Sunday, July 7, 2013

Feeling Self-conscious

I've had the opportunity to get out of the house a few times in the last few days.  I went out for the 4th of July to a friends house to see the parade and hang out at their annual 4th of July party and then to a rodeo in a nearby town.  Yesterday was my 10 year class reunion... it's hard to believe it's been 10 years and it's amazing how much people haven't changed!  Tonight one of my best friends had a little get together to celebrate her birthday... it was soo hot and muggy out!  I was sweating like nobody's business... thank goodness I wasn't the only one.

My class reunion I had feelings of self-consciousness.  It didn't help that upon walking up to the event a classmate of mine that is a total prick (but will act super friendly to your face) saw me and made the stupidest face... I'm pretty aware of people and know when people are looking at me.  I never say anything though... why bother?  It does make me uncomfortable though.  This doesn't always have to do with my body.  Over the years there have been many things about myself that may make me embarrassed that I am well aware of and believe me, I see when people stare, look, whisper... I just try to remind myself that they aren't perfect either (even if they think they are!) back to the original topic... he made a stupid face that I was well aware was directed at me and it immediately put me in a sour mood.  Who wants to lose a bunch of weight, pretty much put it all back on before and during pregnancy, have a baby, and 3 weeks later go to a gathering where a bunch of people are probably all judging you.  Oh well, I will just have to look and feel fabulous at my 15 year reunion!!  Luckily, I had Annika with me so a lot of people were paying more attention to her ...score!  Plus, maybe they'd be more willing to cut me some slack, knowing that I just had a baby.  Aside from my jerk classmate, I did have a fun time catching up and hanging out with my classmates.  We had a pretty small class and I'd say we were all pretty close, so it's fun to get together.

 Here are my classmates that came (about a third of my class)

I have decided that this summer I need to make a goal to get myself out and about and not just hangout in the air conditioning with Annika.  We My dad, has the garden up and running... I had originally planned on working in it a bunch, but I'm not sure how to do that with a newborn.  I might just have to sneak up there a little at a time, I guess.  My idea/goal is to walk 2 marathon's during my maternity leave.  It's totally attainable... about 6 miles/week.  I know a goal like this will help me get out of the house and get a little exercise in.  I will track my progress on here.  I think by making an effort to walk, drink more water (a gallon/day), plan and eat nutritious meals, and get out of the house with the kids, I won't have to think so much about how much weight I will lose because it will work itself out.  I do know that I don't want to be wearing the jeans I currently wear... I put on "real" jeans (not maternity) for the first time the other day and was not too excited that I had to pull out the biggest pair of jeans I own... ugh.  By the end of this summer I would like to be down at least one size.  Also, they say that breastfeeding helps with weight loss... hopefully that proves to be true!

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